ADHD + Anxiety = Me
I have a very extroverted personality on the surface. I love to talk and meet new people and explore new places. I love doing all of that as long as it is within the parameters of what makes me feel safe, secure, and accepted. On the inside I am an insecure hot mess. (choo-choo, it's the hot mess express!)
I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety my freshman year of college. Frankly, I am surprised I wasn't diagnosed earlier. I've never been able to sit and read a book for enjoyment or sit in a room and enjoy the silence, without the constant noise that goes on in my head. I second guess everything that comes out of mouth and I replay most conversations I have over and over again. I have a "Mom Command Center" and calendars to keep track of everything and I still mess up. Honestly, it can be really exhausting.
My anxiety definitely gets the best of me most days. Sometimes I will want to say hello to someone but the words just don't seem to come out of my mouth. The fear of not fitting in is huge with me. Maybe, it's because I never felt like I found my place or who knows really why. You are probably wondering where I am going with all of this. I honestly think that being and ADHD, anxiety ridden person makes me a good mom. I chose to have 5 children which can be extremely overwhelming, even for me on most days but it's in the chaos that I find my peace. Becoming a mother gave me a newfound courage. I was able to conquer a huge part of my anxiety because and thanks to them. Suddenly, I was the mama. I was the one that had to lead by example and show them that we can do anything!
My daughters do many activities and I am always questioned as to why. Why try to do it all? I feel more organized the busier I am. Also, because I have 5 girls even doing 2 or 3 activities can feel and appear to be a lot due to contradicting schedules. But again, for me, it's in the chaos I find my peace. My brain is like a television constantly changing channels. When I need to study or read I do best with background noise or by having a television on. Having a noisy home filled with laughter, screams, chaos balances me. So my little big family of 5 girls, hubby and 2 dogs is perfect for me. My daughters have helped me push through my anxiety. We come as a pack. We play together, we cry together, we adventure together. Our attention spans are probably the same! All in all, I am an imperfect mom and I couldn't be happier. My imperfections make me, me and I wouldn't have it any other way.